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Showing posts from 2018

Thirty, Flirty and Thriving

So I am now….. 32 (had to do the math) years old. I am married with two wonderful, beautiful children. We’re coming up on our 8th wedding anniversary and our kids just yesterday turned 7. I’m working for the state as an Accountant. So I have a stable career, love, kids, and life just gets better each year. There luckily aren’t any major issues, but I’ve just been doing so much learning lately. Life, in general, has been making more sense to me, as in, the deep questions that people have about life, I feel that I have answers to. As is common in my personal life, things have been snowballing. I’m not sure if it’s my maturity, my Adderall or the fact that the snowballing is actually a positive subject this time that doesn’t necessarily require immediate action, but this effect has been pleasurable and enlightening this time around. 

I’ve always been one to live in the past or in the future. Never the current. Recently, I feel that I’m everywhere, past, present, future. Looking back at t…

The Tribulation

I'm heartbroken. This isn't even a new heartbreak but one that I know will never be resolved. I don't know what I can do. I mean, I know there's nothing I can do but I want to fix this so badly because I miss him so much. I want this relationship so badly. Even after all these years. After ignoring, after mental blocking, after hating and cursing and swearing off forever... I love him. I miss him. And I feel robbed that I could not keep him in my life. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart in realizing that my dream of having him re-enter my life was dashed by reality. All of the memories... He taught me so much. He was my first love. In a weird, crazy way, I compare all men to him. I may not have gotten much time with him but the time I had was enough to mold me forever. It was enough to close my heart and lock it away to never be touched. Because when he left, my heart broke in a way that I just realized tonight would never be complete again. Not in the way …

Let Me Know

Do I still got time to grow
Things ain't always set in stone
That be known let me know
Let me...
Seems like, street lights, glowin
Happen to be just like moments, passin
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
All the street lights, glowin'
Happen to be just like moments, passin'
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
In the streets
In the streets
I'm just not there in the streets
I'm just not there
Life's just not fair