Wide Awake

Man, it is 5:30 am and I have not slept. At all. I'm not even really tired. I've been having to take melatonin every night to even get sleepy. Otherwise, I stay up until 11 or 12 without even noticing. So the other day I was like I'm gonna see when I naturally get sleepy. I just want to test it out.

Honestly, I didn't think I'd actually have the chance because I'm pretty much constantly busy. If it's not school work, then it's errands, if it's not errands, then it's chores, if it's not chores, then it's some activity/obligation, if it's not an activity or obligation then it's at least just being a mom and wife. Like there is no break. But yesterday I decided that I was taking Friday night off. No homework, no studying, no party planning (ok, I totally party planned), but nothing that doesn't relax me or bring me joy. So while chilling out and enjoying YouTube and binging on a newly found channel, I just was up. My husband stayed up playing video games and I sat wide awake watching video after video. Hubby gave up around 1 or 2 in the morning. I wanted to go to bed with him just cuz I love being near him always. But I just was not in the slightest bit tired. So I stayed downstairs.

I started yawning around 4. However, not like a seriously tired yawn. Kinda like a work yawn. Now, I'm like the grocery store is almost open, I might as well go. And I'm still not even tired. Like I feel like my brain is wanting to shut off. I'm making silly mistakes here and there, nothing critical where I'm worried but still noticeable. I'm wondering if I'll even get tired today. I mean at this point, I'm not even sure what to do because we have some deep cleaning to do for the kid's birthday party next week, I also have a shit ton of reading to do because I have tests due tomorrow. So I'm like should I force myself asleep or force myself awake? I don't fucking know.

Anyhow, I guess I will see how this day turns out. Now I know how much I need the melatonin and will be sure to pick more up. SMH. Mess.


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