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Showing posts from August, 2017

Sway

The delicate dance between not being too ambitious and not too complacent. I don't feel above it all but I don't feel like I fit in either. I've been holding out my hand and it's stayed empty. Just grasp it and we can grow.

Insomniatic

It's 12 am and I'm wide awake. Thank you very much, ADHD meds. What the hell do I do? I have to work in the morning. I can't drink coffee if I take my meds. Although, maybe I won't and drink a ton of coffee. Ugh! What sucks is that it's not like the medication is working in a way where it's keeping me focused though. Like I'm not about to work out, read or do anything that I would be able to do if I could do one thing at a time and without a trillion thoughts. So I'm just up. I don't even want to watch videos or anything. If I was a dick, I'd wake my husband up just so we could talk. About what? I don't know because I SHOULD BE ASLEEP!

If this were the weekend, I wouldn't even care. Yeah, I think I'll take some melatonin and put an energy drink in the fridge so tomorrow I can have a nice cold energy drink and then a nice hot coffee when I get in work. Hopefully, that'll wake me up. It won't keep me going and my brain will pro…

The Sentence

I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed. I'm a little angry.

A few weeks ago (a month?) I was diagnosed with ADHD. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I could never figure out why I couldn't pay attention in class or study. Predictably, every time I knew something important was being said and I needed to focus, that's exactly when my brain would shut off. I don't mean I wasn't thinking. I was never not thinking. It'd even be exhausting sometimes. But it would go down like this:

Something important about to be said-

Me: Fuck! Ok, if there's ever a time to pay attention it's now. FOCUS!

A person is saying a really important thing that I absolutely need to know.

Me: *daydreaming*
or
Me: Ugh! How can I focus? Shit! I think I just missed something. FOCUS! But how do you focus? Maybe if I just stop thinking.... Let me try that..... Ok, that didn't work. Let's see.... How about if I stare really hard at this person and try to read their l…