Showing posts from October, 2014

Deep Breath. Deep Sigh.

There's just been so much going on. Emotionally. It's been years since I've written a poem and I generally fucking hate my poetry. But it always has helped express what I feel, create an outlet for me. So here's my shitty poem that I hate but made me feel better.

thumping thumping
up the stairs
into the room we share
solitary yet thump thump
thumping thumping
the mattress must be possessed
i grab your fingers
suck at the tip
force them to penetrate me
feel my soul
together thump thump
you touch it
caress it
pet it
thump thump thump
squeeze it
choke it
suffocate it
thump thump
red everywhere

Things I Never Thought I'd Have To Say

To my daughter:

"That is Luke's butt and you don't put your face in it!"

My Pussy Was Hanging Out!

Yes!!!! Number 1 reason to have a cat: pussy jokes!!!!!

These Conversations Kill

I decided that I couldn't have a romantic relationship with my husband anymore. I told him. He freaked out. I hate that because it makes me doubt myself. At first the reason I stayed with my ex every time was because he'd throw the biggest fit over me leaving and he'd beg....literally beg me to stay. I always think, if THAT'S the reaction to me leaving then he must feel something, the love must be real. I'm trying not to have that reaction now, because that relationship taught me that having a strong reaction to someone leaving doesn't mean they love you or want you.

We had no real discussion. I wanted one, that's why I even said anything. I don't know what our relationship should be and how everything should work. I don't want this to be it, I can't imagine my life without him. But... just too many lies for me to believe that he actually is in love with me, respects me or even wants me. It's just so clear to me that I'm not what he want…

too much tripping

There is a point where you've been hurt so many times that it it just doesn't hurt anymore. It's like your heart can only break so much before it's just like well there's just no more re pieces to break. I feel nothing. Slight hatred but other than that just nothing. I've been here before about a bilion times in my life. My heart was never whole.

It's Britney Day Bitch!

Today I really felt like watching Britney videos. Mostly because since I haven't always been a fan, there's a large amount of classics I've never even seen. So today was the day that I thought I'd watch them all. After watch all the Vevo Certified ones, I got to Scream and Shout where I rock with Will I Am and Britney Bitch. I hate Will I Am. Obviously, Britney made that shit and god damn do I love her style in the videos! Plural because of the horrendous fucking remix where she looks even more amazing than in the original. But my thoughts were this:

Ugh I hope she never fucking works with Will I Am again.

I really hope she works with Kanye at some point.

OMG I actually know a song from someone in Love and Hip Hop! Heeeeeey Waka!

Fuck I hate Lil Wayne....

Anyway, it's been really fun. Brit is so damn adorable and I love her hand and lip dancing lol. Also I have to say her most epic video is Circus (just so underrated but when you watch it... it's just WOW. Give…

Pound Sign Gamergate

It's rare for me to ever discuss anything video game related because well... I'm just not that into video games. I don't like playing them, don't see the point or fun in them, I find gamers to be obsessed, slightly mental people with nothing better to do. This is extremely judgmental and can easily and arguably be better applied to people who are gossip/pop culture obsessed (i. e. me). Since I'm fully aware of that, don't take offense to my prejudice. I'm merely stating this to illustrate how huge this "gamergate" bullshit is that I'm even aware of it and have inklings of what it's even about. Also, to prepare you for any and all ignorance I show.

So, my knowledge of this began when I perused my favorite news and information site: Cracked. There was this article about being the most hated person. "Perfect! I love bandwagons! Let me see if I can get on one!" I thought as I clicked the link. Well, shit, I had no idea that the artic…