Showing posts from 2014

What Men Want

People are always asking about what women want. I find it kind of insane. Women maybe complicated but when it comes to men- it's pretty easy. We want a man to protect us, support us and show/give love. And be mind blowing in bed (which can be learned so don't worry if you're not there yet.) I don't care what anyone says, that's basic needs for every human on earth so if you say you don't want or need any of those things (minus the bed thing. That's strictly for non asexuals who are in relationships) then you're lying to yourself or don't understand what those things really mean. Beyond that, everything is a want.

What I find curious is what men want. For myself, I've fallen in love with any man that's given me those basics. I mean.... they'd eventually stop and that's where the problems arose. But as long as they were, I was theirs. But I've found that I would give men that and they'd be less than interested. So what do men w…

Aaliyah: The Princess of Lifetime

Ok so I just finished watching the Aaliyah movie that everyone hated. I tried to go in with an open mind but as it started, I knew my mind was already swayed to hate it. But.... I continued watching it. Guys, it's not that bad. Lemme rephrase: Guys, it's not THAT bad.

Here's the issue: it won't bring you closer to Aaliyah. You may learn some things or whatever but you're not going to feel like you're watching Aaliyah and her life. That's a pretty big issue.

Movies are fun because they transport you into that world. It's always been my favorite way to escape. For a few hours, my life wasn't my life. My world wasn't this world. It's the best! Biopics are fun because you get transported into a celebrity's life. You connect with that celebrity and learn new things about them and their world. You get to (in a sense) be this person. So your heartbreaks when their heart breaks or anything bad happens, you're elated when good things happen. …

Love and Hip Hop Hollywood- Gossip Girls

Ok, I have been enjoying my ratchet shows and mostly not having anything to say about them too much. Bitches gonna bitch and ho's gonna ho. What else would you expect?

However, what started off as the most boring and unexciting Love and Hip Hop franchise, has turned into the most annoying and infuriating with all the bitchassness going on.

So I'm watching the last episode and Berg and Masika are just messy. First off- why the hell would someone invite a woman they dislike and want to stay away from to a party just so said girl can see them be all over other women? "So she can get it through her head that we're over" is not a real fucking reason. To me, only a loser ass dickhead would do that. The kind of guy that would hit on his girl.....

What MIGHT actually work is if Berg actually stayed away from Hazel. He keeps calling her, texting her, getting with her. Of course Hazel thinks y'all serious cuz you're acting like it stupid! Stay away and she'll g…

Deep Breath. Deep Sigh.

There's just been so much going on. Emotionally. It's been years since I've written a poem and I generally fucking hate my poetry. But it always has helped express what I feel, create an outlet for me. So here's my shitty poem that I hate but made me feel better.

thumping thumping
up the stairs
into the room we share
solitary yet thump thump
thumping thumping
the mattress must be possessed
i grab your fingers
suck at the tip
force them to penetrate me
feel my soul
together thump thump
you touch it
caress it
pet it
thump thump thump
squeeze it
choke it
suffocate it
thump thump
red everywhere

Things I Never Thought I'd Have To Say

To my daughter:

"That is Luke's butt and you don't put your face in it!"

My Pussy Was Hanging Out!

Yes!!!! Number 1 reason to have a cat: pussy jokes!!!!!

These Conversations Kill

I decided that I couldn't have a romantic relationship with my husband anymore. I told him. He freaked out. I hate that because it makes me doubt myself. At first the reason I stayed with my ex every time was because he'd throw the biggest fit over me leaving and he'd beg....literally beg me to stay. I always think, if THAT'S the reaction to me leaving then he must feel something, the love must be real. I'm trying not to have that reaction now, because that relationship taught me that having a strong reaction to someone leaving doesn't mean they love you or want you.

We had no real discussion. I wanted one, that's why I even said anything. I don't know what our relationship should be and how everything should work. I don't want this to be it, I can't imagine my life without him. But... just too many lies for me to believe that he actually is in love with me, respects me or even wants me. It's just so clear to me that I'm not what he want…

too much tripping

There is a point where you've been hurt so many times that it it just doesn't hurt anymore. It's like your heart can only break so much before it's just like well there's just no more re pieces to break. I feel nothing. Slight hatred but other than that just nothing. I've been here before about a bilion times in my life. My heart was never whole.

It's Britney Day Bitch!

Today I really felt like watching Britney videos. Mostly because since I haven't always been a fan, there's a large amount of classics I've never even seen. So today was the day that I thought I'd watch them all. After watch all the Vevo Certified ones, I got to Scream and Shout where I rock with Will I Am and Britney Bitch. I hate Will I Am. Obviously, Britney made that shit and god damn do I love her style in the videos! Plural because of the horrendous fucking remix where she looks even more amazing than in the original. But my thoughts were this:

Ugh I hope she never fucking works with Will I Am again.

I really hope she works with Kanye at some point.

OMG I actually know a song from someone in Love and Hip Hop! Heeeeeey Waka!

Fuck I hate Lil Wayne....

Anyway, it's been really fun. Brit is so damn adorable and I love her hand and lip dancing lol. Also I have to say her most epic video is Circus (just so underrated but when you watch it... it's just WOW. Give…

Pound Sign Gamergate

It's rare for me to ever discuss anything video game related because well... I'm just not that into video games. I don't like playing them, don't see the point or fun in them, I find gamers to be obsessed, slightly mental people with nothing better to do. This is extremely judgmental and can easily and arguably be better applied to people who are gossip/pop culture obsessed (i. e. me). Since I'm fully aware of that, don't take offense to my prejudice. I'm merely stating this to illustrate how huge this "gamergate" bullshit is that I'm even aware of it and have inklings of what it's even about. Also, to prepare you for any and all ignorance I show.

So, my knowledge of this began when I perused my favorite news and information site: Cracked. There was this article about being the most hated person. "Perfect! I love bandwagons! Let me see if I can get on one!" I thought as I clicked the link. Well, shit, I had no idea that the artic…

All About That Bullshit!

There's a song that I pretty much ignored until my toddlers started singing it ad nauseam:

Yes, but I was talking about the other song....

Yup. This one. 

After about the trillionth time listening to it, I decided to actually listen to the lyrics. After that I was in love with All About That Bass. I love the positive body message it sends to every person out there. That just doesn't happen often these days. 
At least, not in a positive way

This song would make me happy and make me feel good and my kids fucking kill this song when it comes on! I'm just sayin :) But then I started hearing about people having an issue with it.
From what I've read, some people don't like that Meghan "bashes skinny girls", is trying to have this song sound like it's for everybody (or every body) when really it's looking down on thin girls. And while some people are upset that she's making it seem like beauty is based on whether a guy is attracted to you or not, I w…

Fuck The Country

Fuck it....
                                                  Stupid ass.
up it's....

I got a mosquito bite in my eye. (Not really in my eye, but it sounds more dramatic that way. Plus.... close enough)

Looks like it came in my eye too

The only thing I could really try outside of ice, is aspirin on the bite. Hope it works. Went the whole summer without a damn bite and THIS is what I get. Fuck you. 

Make Up Tutorial

But... but... it's just so entertaining to hear why it's the woman's fault!

She married him after so she doesn't care (Ray Rice)She was going through his things so it's ok (Chris Brown/Rihanna) She wanted to fight like a guy, so she deserves it (Every WorldStar video where the woman gets knocked out by a dude) I also enjoy "she was asking too many questions", "she sticks around, so she must like it" and the "well, what did you expect dating THAT guy?" 
Let's not blame the guy and get all WTF on him. Let's blame the women. After all, we ARE the smarter sex, so obvs we should know better.

Tales of a Mom

My husband and I are trying to work things out. (Desperately trying to withhold my snark...) We're trying to move to a place with a better school system. I'm not in love with the apartment but well... the school system.... We're trying to reach middle class at least and I'm trying to figure out how the hell does this even happen? We can't get ahead, everything is working against us. We can be mildly comfortably poor or somehow strike it rich. We decided I should be home.

There's a lot going on right now and a lot going on in my head. I want another baby. That was our plan before this whole mess. But I'm still extremely uncertain of my future with my husband. I want to keep trying at it but it's exhausting and I feel like I'm the only one putting forth the effort. Maybe when I'm home, it'll help somehow.

My kids are developmentally behind. They were doing so well before I left, and still well before my husband started working too. But now....…

love and hip hop

i hate them for making these trashy shows that are disgustingly entertaining. and listen, i'm not gay but....


no more

i can't hold this in anymore. i'm just falling apart and my heart is just... there are no words for the amount of broken. i don't know how to get through this right now. and i'm just so fucking embarrassed! i thought this was it for me, he's the one. he'll treat me the way i deserve to be treated. he'll love me forever just like i'll love him forever. i just want to keep saying my heart is broken. my heart is broken. my heart is broken. what am i going to tell the kids? how am i going to provide for them on my own? my heart is broken. i loved him so much i wanted another one of our perfect mixtures together. and he won't even own up to it. my heart is so broken. i don't know why this keeps happening to me but i can't keep letting it happen. but i'm nothing and no good and obviously no one truly wants me. and i seriously am done with men. this was it for me. i knew i couldn't take anymore after my last relationship, so i was banking o…


no energy just doesn't explain. i've just been dead and the things/events/people that should bring me up, has just brought me more down. which in turn has just made me feel the worst. i don't even have the energy to write. i thought i did but...


I've just been slowly falling apart. While everything is failing around me (every positive move I try to make in life, work or personally), I've just been getting angrier and more frustrated. With all this extra negative energy, I decided to work out. Hoping that it'd take that energy out and maybe even turn things around. Hell, I was working out every night and happy as a whore in a play pen (don't try to figure that out, it just means very happy) then life happened and I wasn't able to work out. So I tried today. In the middle of my downward dog pose, I just stopped. I couldn't go forward. I just felt like it wasn't helping because I just want to be destructive.

I've been fighting back all these negative thoughts and feelings. A few days ago, I was trying.... actively trying and fighting with myself over starting an eating disorder. Never has bulimia made sense to me or even appealing. If anything, I've wanted to be anorexic. I mean, not recently …

Just Rants

there's this song that plays on the station at work that i hate with all my might.

i hate this song because it's such a good song! like if it was a pop song, i'd be all over this shit. if it was a rap/hip hop song, i'd like it. but the ugliness of country makes this otherwise great song, totally unlistenable. and that pisses me off. that must be awesome for people that like or can tolerate country music. i'm just not one of those people. something about the sound just really grates my ears. so fuck you play it again!

i was going through my US Weekly and in the loose talk section there's a quote from taylor swift saying:
"the first thing a stranger will ask is, "how long were you two together?" as if your pain can be determined by how long you were with someone."

OF COURSE IT CAN YOU WHORE! omg. if you were with someone for a month and broke up it's not as hurtful as being with someone for 20 years and breaking up. god dammit i don't …


i am in the worst fucking mood today. nothing about today went the way i wanted it to. and maybe i was having some jan brady moments today but i feel i'm a little entitled to. so lemme walk you through my irritating day.

i wake up tired as shit. i hate waking up tired and feeling like i need at least another hour of sleep. it sucks. so i'm scurrying trying to get myself ready, the kids ready, prepare for the day and not forget anything and my brain is shit. so i make foglifter coffee with two shots in it. that should do the trick! that did fucking shit.

i go to work and end up making another coffee about an hour later. ok, so now we're cooking after 2 coffees. cool. but there isn't as much work as usual. plus my boss sends me numbers to put in and i have to fucking wait until everyone leaves for the day to do it because it's annoying asking them to get out of their spreadsheets and what really is the point of it being MY task if i just ask everyone to put in their …

My Inexplicable Love Affair with "Fancy"

Who dat who dat? Well, obviously it's I-G-G-Y!

I've heard so many people say how awful this song is. They don't understand how it's getting to be such a huge hit. All I can say is obviously, you haven't heard it enough times!

My initial reaction to Fancy was "WTF is this shit? Is this like a joke rap song?" But then I heard it a few (million) times more. I found myself singing along with it and having a desperate need to hear the song.... I fell in love...

Honestly, the video probably played a small part in me liking it since I easily could dismiss the song until I saw them paying homage to one of my all time favorite movies that totally shaped middle school years- Clueless. *looking out the dirty old window, down below the cars in the city go rushing by. I sit here alone and I wonder why... "Ok, I know what you're thinking... Is this like a Noxema commercial or what?!"

After that, the song started sticking out to me when it came on the radi…

The Mommy Headache

When I got pregnant, I was so excited to be a mother. It felt like I was being initiated into the most prestigious club. Well... it's kinda like that. Like the prestigious club that exists in 80's teen movies where everyone is nice to everyone's face but actually hate each other. Ok... maybe that's a slight stretch but after having my kids, I felt so much pressure from moms that it stressed me out! I'd never dealt with such a judgmental bunch on that level before. After some time, I gained confidence in being a mom and realized that you can't listen to all those moms, you have to do your own thing. THAT'S what makes you and your family happy.

Good mommy Kim
So when I hear about Kim and Kanye letting their child go on a plane with a nanny, security guard and assistant or Madonna letting her teenager drink or Beyonce letting her child go out with natural hair that's not perfectly coiffed or Mariah going to the park with her kids in a fancy dress... I just…

Goings On

My husband asks me, “guess what the kids drew on the walls?” Their death sentence apparently…. I’m just like “It better be fucking awesome” get some good art on the walls instead of scribbles and poop. They drew XD…. An X and a D. Those assholes…. Now, I can’t be mad. Maybe I should be angry because they didn’t draw this: 

In other serious news: I went to the doctor today. I wasn’t sure what’s been going on with me, my feet have been swelling, i've been husband has been baffled as well. Well, my doctor said that I’m the illest. Cuz I’m suffering from what they call realness. Or if I listen to my kids, I’m just crazy. Whatever.

Things I Never Thought I'd Have To Say

"No twirling while eating!"

Love and Zombies

Last night I kept having nightmares. I actually slept pretty well and am rested for the first time this week, but those dreams bothered me so much I had to tell my husband about them. He actually made up for that total fail of a romantic moment from last time:
Me: One was about you not wanting to be with me. I don't remember the specifics but it was awful. The second one was about zombies. There was zombies everywhere and we were trying to get away
Hubby: I want to be with you always, hun I survived pregnant with twins michelle, even on your bad days nothing compares to warpath michelle. I love you and everything about you
Hubby: Zombies, thats a different story
Hubby: if it's any consolation our kids would gets us killed in the opening minutes of the outbreak
J I wasn’t really worried too much about that nightmare being real. In fact, I think I’m more worried about a zombie apocalypse than him leaving me. But it was nice to have such a great confirmation. What’s even more funny is…

Friday- Take Me Away!

I’m trying so hard to keep busy at work when there’s literally nothing to do. Oh and they most certainly look at what you’re doing online. Which, to me, would be fine. It’s not like I’m going to Pornhub on here (or anywhere for that matter. My porn days are pretty much behind me). So nothing questionable, not even facebook even though we totally have access to it. However, every damn time I start browsing the net, my boss will come over and be like “if you don’t have anything to do, then you can go home.” In the most nice way possible. Like no, I don’t want to have a smaller paycheck thank you. But if you could give me some work to do that’d be nice. Please stop keeping me in this tiny bubble like I can’t handle more. Anyway, so I’m trying to find things that make me look busy even though I could stare at the wall and not miss a beat of work. I’m extremely tired of Mahjong, which I never win. I’ve completely customized my desktop and all apps that I use. I’ve looked through all the sha…

Just Lose The Spice

When my husband and I were just dating, we would do this sickening sweet thing about talk about how much we loved each other. We agreed that there was no actual word for our love. We loved each other so damn hard that there was nothing to capture how much. He said the day he finds the word would be the day we got married. Well… we got married anyway but never found the correct word to express our love. To be fair, we’ve been busy making and raising babies. So today, bored at work on Memorial Day where barely anyone is here and no one is really doing anything…. I StumbleUpon’d this word: Tuqburni. Arabic meaning: you bury me] A love so deep you can't imagine life without your partner Excitedly, I texted my hubby. I reminded him of our vow to find the word that accurately describes our love. Then told him “I tuqburni you.” The response? “where did you find that?” “do you think it would be stupid to get a coke?” “nice find.”
I just held on to a special, romantic, sweet…

Top 3 Rap Songs That Changed My View Of Rap

I have never been a rap fan. In fact, when I was in high school, I wrote (of my own free will) an essay about why pop and rap sucked. I loved rock, metal and punk. Then a little more down the line, I loosened up a bit and got into pop. It wasn't until a few years ago that I even started listening to rap. It wasn't until maybe last year that I even listened to any rap outside of Kanye West. So I wouldn't even necessarily call myself a rap fan at this point, but I'm not closed off to it, I have an appreciation for it and even listen to it :)

There are many songs that attributed to this enlightenment. But these are the top 3 rap songs that truly changed my view of rap:

Childish Gambino- Hold You Down

If you follow my blog, you will remember when I first discovered him. Since then, I've really gotten into his Camp album. Listening to random songs on Pandora doesn't really put the whole story together, so when I downloaded Camp and listened to it.....Well, I just fel…

Needed: Spa...ghetti Day

I've resorted to this... I had my normal 3 AM gotta go pee wake up. Only, I'm so lacking in toddler free time that I decided to just stay up so I can actually just relax. It's been mostly nice too. Quiet, calm, just wonderful. The only thing that could make it better would be if my husband were up with me enjoying this. That and not thinking about all the things I want to accomplish and my lack of control over these things. I HAAAAAAAAAATE not having control over situations. HATE it. I'm a fixer. If there's an issue, I will find a solution. Several even! Just in case the first one doesn't work. And I will set everything in motion to fix the problem. I hate having problems. I hate worrying. I'd rather be active about shit. However, I unfortunately, live in the real world where a lot of my problems (wants and needs as well) don't have quick solutions (oh yeah, I fucking hate waiting too). Even worse, these problems, wants and needs can't completely be…

Cheating. Love. Marriage.

So today, for whatever reason, I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about marriage and cheating. On The View, some guy said “Love is not the root of marriage. Lust is.” So basically, love doesn’t matter, it doesn’t keep a marriage. But lust keeps a marriage going. I agree to an extent. I could keep on about what the ladies said, but who really cares. Let’s just talk about my opinion. Lust is what gets you at first. Lust is what keeps you going, sure. If I didn’t find my husband incredibly, mind blowingly sexy, hot and all around adorably cute, I probably wouldn’t stay with him. Vice versa, I’m sure. Like of course, love matters and him being hot isn’t why I fell for him. Kids and general comfort may keep someone in their situation, but it won’t stop anyone from straying. You gotta feel like you have the best right next to you. How do you keep that lust going after marriage, kids, a job and trying to have a little bit of a life? Ummmm… I don’t know how this is even a question. Ok, maybe I don…

How I Met Your Mother Finale (My Stages of Grief)

1) DENIAL (during the last 5 minutes-5 minutes after show)
"What?!!! What just happened? This is a joke right? Of course it is. They wouldn't leave the show ending like this. LOL guys!"

2) ANGER (5 minutes after show- the next day)

3) BARGAINING (20 minutes after show)
"If I could just watch the alternate ending, then maybe I can just pretend I didn't see this. It could all go away..."

"The alternate was perfect but still....I'm just super bummed that my favorite show ended in such a sucker punch/slap in the face kind of way"

"I mean, I guess that's how their stories usually go in the show anyway so it makes sense. And to be honest, that's probably exactly what Ted would …