Thirty, Flirty and Thriving

So I am now….. 32 (had to do the math) years old. I am married with two wonderful, beautiful children. We’re coming up on our 8th wedding anniversary and our kids just yesterday turned 7. I’m working for the state as an Accountant. So I have a stable career, love, kids, and life just gets better each year. There luckily aren’t any major issues, but I’ve just been doing so much learning lately. Life, in general, has been making more sense to me, as in, the deep questions that people have about life, I feel that I have answers to. As is common in my personal life, things have been snowballing. I’m not sure if it’s my maturity, my Adderall or the fact that the snowballing is actually a positive subject this time that doesn’t necessarily require immediate action, but this effect has been pleasurable and enlightening this time around. 

I’ve always been one to live in the past or in the future. Never the current. Recently, I feel that I’m everywhere, past, present, future. Looking back at t…

The Tribulation

I'm heartbroken. This isn't even a new heartbreak but one that I know will never be resolved. I don't know what I can do. I mean, I know there's nothing I can do but I want to fix this so badly because I miss him so much. I want this relationship so badly. Even after all these years. After ignoring, after mental blocking, after hating and cursing and swearing off forever... I love him. I miss him. And I feel robbed that I could not keep him in my life. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart in realizing that my dream of having him re-enter my life was dashed by reality. All of the memories... He taught me so much. He was my first love. In a weird, crazy way, I compare all men to him. I may not have gotten much time with him but the time I had was enough to mold me forever. It was enough to close my heart and lock it away to never be touched. Because when he left, my heart broke in a way that I just realized tonight would never be complete again. Not in the way …

Let Me Know

Do I still got time to grow
Things ain't always set in stone
That be known let me know
Let me...
Seems like, street lights, glowin
Happen to be just like moments, passin
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
All the street lights, glowin'
Happen to be just like moments, passin'
In front of me so I hopped in, the cab and
I paid my fare see I know my destination
But I'm just not there
In the streets
In the streets
I'm just not there in the streets
I'm just not there
Life's just not fair

I’ve waited here for you

Breathe out. So I can breathe you in.  Hold you in.  And now, I know you’ve always been Out of your head. Out my head I sang
And I wonder When I sign along with you If everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only I’ll ever ask of you You gotta promise not to stop when I say when 
Seven years and counting. I love you more and more each day. 
Happy anniversary baby ❤️

Wordy Bitch

Ok, so I should be doing homework right now. However, I'm taking a Business Communications class and the goal is to be clear and concise. Clear.... and concise. Clear. Concise.

Pictured: Me being clear and concise
I don't know how to do this. I'm neither of those things. I'm more like explain to you for ten minutes straight while veering off into other stories and subjects. I'm more like deep deep details in my attempt to be clearing all while making it more confusing. I'm more like instead of giving you direct instructions, give you a story about the first time I did it or my most successful time and hopefully, you'll get what you need out of it. I'm more like if you ask me a question, no matter how simple it is, I stare at you confused for 3 whole minutes while saying "ummmm....". Then you walk away and ask someone else and I realize the answer that I had in my brain the whole damn time. I am not clear nor concise.

This fact gets clearer and …

Just One Touch, Now Baby I Believe

So in preparation for the kid's birthday party next week, my husband and I had to do some super cleaning. That's where it's not just livable clean, not just family is visiting clean, but where you make it strangers entering my house and liable to judge everything clean. This meant I needed music blasting in my ear while I belt out all of my favorite tunes.

This led me to a song that I pretty much never think about. I'm not a Katy Perry fan, but I was a Glee fan. While Glee is pretty good at making unlistable songs amazing, there is just one song from the entirety of their series that stops me in my track and takes me away from life. It gives me chills every. Single. Time. I hear it.

It takes me back to the first time I watched this episode and I was in tears because there is so much emotion in this song. There's so much love and so much pain and you can absolutely feel it. But not only that. This song. This version makes me think of my husband. It makes me think of…

Wide Awake

Man, it is 5:30 am and I have not slept. At all. I'm not even really tired. I've been having to take melatonin every night to even get sleepy. Otherwise, I stay up until 11 or 12 without even noticing. So the other day I was like I'm gonna see when I naturally get sleepy. I just want to test it out.

Honestly, I didn't think I'd actually have the chance because I'm pretty much constantly busy. If it's not school work, then it's errands, if it's not errands, then it's chores, if it's not chores, then it's some activity/obligation, if it's not an activity or obligation then it's at least just being a mom and wife. Like there is no break. But yesterday I decided that I was taking Friday night off. No homework, no studying, no party planning (ok, I totally party planned), but nothing that doesn't relax me or bring me joy. So while chilling out and enjoying YouTube and binging on a newly found channel, I just was up. My husband sta…